PURSE HANDBAG : Now two things strikes me as odd about this... First if I came andsat beside a man that had a handbag beside him I'd assume it washis wifes/girlfriends and he was minding it... Secondly, I found itsad that while we were in a church, being told about good christianvalues, these people were so quick to make a judgement based ona total lack of knowledge of me... or the whole situation...When my wife is done singing, she comes up to me to retrieve herpurse and we leave the church together... It kind of makes you wonderwhat sort of people go to church these days...I want to say that I'm not trying to be holier then thou about this, andI've got my own flaws too, but what made me sad about the abovewas that it happened in a house of God, probably the last place I'dhave expected...Those were some pretty unsettling experiences you related. Fortunately you seem to be able to take the false assumptions ofyour pew neighbors in stride. But what if a man had come in whoshowed some indication of having a serious problem in his life? What if coming to church was about the hardest thing he ever did,but his life was so messed up he risked it in the hope that maybeGod could help him?
PURSE HANDBAG : I hope if someone like that comes into my church he will find somehelp. I hope he will discover that God loves him and can change hislife.One time while my wife was at choir practice (I go along, even though Idon't sing, I enjoy listening to choir singing/music), a woman came inthat was obviously in some sort of distress... Our pastor went to her andtook her aside and helped her... I'm sorry if I gave the wrong impression of my church, it is for the mostpart a wonderful and welcoming and friendly place... The few incidentsI describe occurred only infrequently, and it was only when it happenedmore than a couple times that it began to bother me... Smile at the women while patting the seat next to you as if offering themto come sit by you. When the men look at you, meet their eye, give them a smileand a wink.Surely you jest... My wife would not be pleased to see me invite other womento come sit by me while she sings in the choir.. I've no intention of giving awink, which would I feel only further their judgement that I'm trying to defuse..
PURSE HANDBAG : What I *do* when I've encountered the circumstances I described in myprevious post, which I feel is a passive way of showing them they are wrongis to try to ensure that my marriage ring is somehow visible, whether I do thisby holding my prayer book, or by the way I clasp my hands to pray.. I neverget angry with anyone that misjudges me in that circumstances...I would like to add that while I relate some unfortunate stories here of mychurch they are just the minority stories... By far the greater congregationis a wonderful welcoming and friendly one.. I get on very well with my pastorand it is also the church my wife and I were married in. All the "regulars"know us and understand when they see me mind my wives handbagit's only the few that come from time to time and that do not know usas a couple that misjudged me...I don't know, it could be me, but I somehow felt that a better standardwould have been set by people in God's house.. . It's sad that while theysing the hymns and pray to God for forgiveness, that at the same time theyare only too quick to make a false judgement, and the sad thing is I don'tthink they care...
PURSE HANDBAG : I think you should let them talk. If they are judging you based on what they thinkthey see then they are also bringing judgement down on themselves. Don't worryabout what others like them say for they don't know you and don't deserve to knowyou. As long as you know what you are and your wife is sure that you are thatperson and God surely knows who you are no one else really matters. The people youhave mentioned are probably the first to gossip about anyone they think has aproblem. They are the ones with the problem. Just turn around and smile at them.In Romans 12 it says that if we are kind to our enemies we are heaping coals onthem. They maybe not a true enemy but they might think twice about snickering orwhispering about you behind your back if you smile and shake their hand andintroduce yourself. "Hi, my name is Ray and you are? That's my wife up there inthe choir loft, third one from the left in the second row."
PURSE HANDBAG : Sound advice indeed, thanks... I'll certainly try to follow it but I'm alsoa very shy/reserved man and this does not help... There are four things that make me sad for you here: (1) youramazement that judgments are inevitable, so that you are blind to thefact that you are no less judging those who judge you than they arejudging you; (2) your assumption that you were in "a house of God",the meeting place of the Body of Christ; (3) that you think thatChrist and his followers are the last ones who make an accuratedistinction between themselves and others; and (4) that you are nottrying to be "holier than thou" (apparently believing that being holy,and holier than those who are unholy, is wrong).At its very heart, the definition of a Christian is "one who is ableto accurately distinguish between God and Satan, God's kingdom andSatan's kingdom, Christians and non-Christians; one who accuratelydistinguishes between holy and unholy, and who separates one's selffrom the unholy in the interest of being holy like God."
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